Heaven Sounds Awful
So you die, then you go to heaven and what do you find up there?
Well nothing to begin with, you come out of the tunnel and spend a good few hours trying to find the place since the pearly gates are by definition white and you are surrounded by white clouds. Not gold as some people seem to think.
Now you’ve found the entrance you have to book in, some bearded man called Pete signs you in. Not only is he incredibly old he’s also hard of hearing and cant spell your name correctly.
He gives you a complimentary harp and decorative set of wings.
You finally get the right name down and you are free go into heaven. After a little while of following the path you find your feet are wet due to the layer of cloud you are some how walking on and you are getting sun burnt because you are obviously closer to the sun being so high up and you are going blind because its sunny and all the clouds are white.
Sunglasses are horribly overpriced because a sunglasses salesman got up there and managed to get a shop just by the gates.
It just gets worse all your relatives are there to meet you, ALL OF THEM! You thought you where rid of them now you’ve gone to heaven but nope they are all here and they are all pissed off because they’ve been waiting long enough you selfish bastard, living well into your old age!
What where you thinking! They’re in heaven the last thing they want is to be pulled away from what they where doing just to say hello to you and then you turn up several years late!
I wouldn’t want to be there with damp feet and a burning face squinting at everyone I’m related to while they tell me I lived a mediocre life that should have ended sooner.
What if they don’t like each other anyway a fight might break out! Its a bad idea.
So several hours later you’ve met everyone and they’ve all gone back to what they where up to.
The rep comes over and gives you the key to your heaven and a rule book, you let yourself in because a lot of people die and the rep is too busy to show you to your place.
Pff more clouds in here, yep the rep failed to tell you you have to make your own heaven. You figure that bit out fairly quickly, it is not all inclusive.
You check the rule book that tells you, you cant do anything you are currently thinking of doing. You turn it over “The Bible”
Obviously.
But you compromise and you have your fun making do with what you have to work with.
Couple days pass you are running out of ideas and you are here for the rest of your conceivable existence.
You decide to learn the harp….
I Just don’t see the appeal really.
